Overcoming Struggles

Last week I tried to post, but found myself continually punching negative self talk, excuses, and just general whineyness into the keyboard and not loving what I was reading. It wasn't who I wanted to be. So I struggled on until I rode the wave through.

Now saying "I rode the wave through" makes it sound like it was easy - nu-uh girlfriend. It was hard. I found myself unusually snippy and in a thunderous mood. By the end of the week I realised I had managed to let my entire week slip - I caved to those red flag days because my folks were visiting from interstate, I was tired, I made excuse after excuse and suddenly it had been a week since I'd trained. And to be honest, the week before hadn't been that crash hot either.


Riding the wave? No, I'm not convinced either.

What happened next? Wellllll, I'd LIKE to say I snapped back to it and "jumped back on the wagon" (ugh, I hate that phrase!), but it's been a process. The first step was the hardest. Getting back out on the pavement.

I had planned to head on out to Jells Park but OF COURSE the neck issue I mentioned in my last posts reared it's ugly head as a result of not sleeping well and not being kind to my body. So yet another day was a write off.

Sunday I spent most of the day talking myself out of going for a run - that voice in my head telling me how hard it would be because I'd let my training slide for so long started up, but I laced up my sneakers and headed out anyway. 8kms later and one of the longest runs I've done outdoors ever, was done. And I smashed it. I was BACK!

Then came Monday, I has a small drama at work. I'll spare you the details, but it made me stressed, upset and panicky all day and there I was - ready to come home miserable, tired and ready to sink onto the couch with a glass of wine and sulk. Instead, I ran. And it felt amazing. It got it out. I MUST REMEMBER THAT THIS WORKED!

Making that choice was huge for me, a turning point for me.

I'm finally feeling back to my normal self again. I'm excited for the week ahead. I'm back to working towards my goals.

One of my big goals this round was to work on my core strength. It's something I really need to develop, my physio tells me this every time my neck plays up. So this morning - only 3 weeks late - I'm heading to a Body Balance class at the gym.

Secondly, by the end of this round, I am going to run 15km. This week I've caught up on my running plan designed by the gorgeous Rell Frichot. Today I have a fantastic 6km run planned out. It was sunny when I went outside a moment ago, but hey, this is Melbourne and if I stop doing something every time it rains here, I'll never get anything done!

Round 2 Blogging Challenge - What Is Health

Health. Well we all have an idea in our heads about what health is, and depending on your circumstances, it's going to be a different thing. All I know is when you don't have it, is when you appreciate it's existence the most.

2011 has been "Year of the Ailment" for me. I've had some intense dental work done which left me with incredible pain in my jaws for weeks, a vertebrae in my neck slips out every few weeks requiring me to go to physio and only 6 weeks ago I had just got over a 3 week bout of gastroenteritis, which really put me out. I've also had a sprained ankle, my knee's a bit wobbly at the moment, and there's been various other little health issues here and there. But right now, without comparing myself with other's circumstances, I'd say I was 'fairly healthy'.

Health to me, is a strength, it's something that allows your body and mind to perform 100% the way you want it to. It's being able to recover from the various obstacles that life throws at you and move forward, it's about moving easily, thinking clearly and knowing you can.

And We're Off!

I created this blog at the start of Round 2 2011 of Michelle Bridges 12WBT. But I never seemed to be able to start blogging. I didn't know where to start, or how to start. For me, my success through the 12WBT came through wanting to support others and watch them grow - it's been almost like it's too hard for me to put it out there and share what I am doing.

Now, the absolutely unstoppable Kath from The Courage to Start has a blogging challenge, I've decided this is it. I'm going to blog.

The funny thing about starting - I have a tough time doing it. Just taking that first step is the hardest thing ever. I was aware of the 12WBT from the very first round, but it took me a whole year to actually sign up, and make it happen. Even this blog, sheesh. It's taken me till now to start writing my very first entry!

In any case, here we go...

1. Describe yourself in 25 words or less. You can get straight to the point - or bring your creativity into play.
Hehe, sorry. Look at them though!!!! LOOK. AT. THEM. If life could be this simple, I would be a happy, happy person. I can't explain myself in 25 words or less. Human beings are complex, amazing creatures. 25 words I use today, might not describe me at all tomorrow!


2. What brings you to 12wbt? Getting fitter? Losing weight? (Gaining weight??) Are you first timer, a repeat offender??
Yet another life-time member - this is my third round. I started this because I was desperate to lose weight. Now, as I type this, I'm here at my original goal weight (the one I thought I would NEVER make it to) and am now here to tone up and you know, if I lose a couple more kilos I'll be chuffed. You know, I actually would like to lose about 5-7kg more but I am REALLY looking forward to putting weight loss behind me forever.

3. Why do you blog??
In fact - I don't! I always try. I am married to someone who writes for a living, so I am always extremely judgmental of my own words and maybe - just maybe - a little too much of a perfectionist to let myself just do it. One of my challenges this round was to start writing, to start documenting my journey and to start sharing. So here I am.

4. Who is your biggest inspiration in life and why (doesn't have to be weight loss)
I have two people who are my biggest inspirations for the way you should live life, and it's my husband and my best friend. I spent the earlier part of my adulthood believing I had to work really hard all the time at a job I hated to pay of debts for shit I didn't really need. I met my husband who was a struggling writer at the time, refused to take a Centrelink allowance because he didn't want them to make him get a job he didn't want, he worked hard, built his credibility and now has an amazing, extremely enviable job. My best friend, well I admire his hard work, his creativeness, his dedication. He is a wonderful artist with vision I could only dream of having.

5. What things in life bring you the most joy?
This is going to sound mental, but being in control of my life. It brings me peace, and what brings peace brings joy.

6.What do you think your greatest challenge is going to be this round?
Losing the last 5kg and putting weight loss behind me. I already seem to be trying to throw myself off track, and I can see a lot of bad habits starting to rear their ugly heads. I have been on the brink of opening the door to complacency and it is going to land me in a lot of trouble - so the biggest challenge is reinforcing that this is a lifestyle now and that don't engage in that behaviour anymore.

7. What are you most excited about 12wbt?
This is hard. I think this time round, I've lost a little of the fresh and new feeling I get with 12WBT - just the other day I found myself getting really annoyed with a bunch of people complaining about the program, the food, the amount of exercise. Kick off was still days away and they hadn't even given it a shot yet. They were already blaming Mish for their failures. I forgot to have compassion and see that they were just scared. They were where I was just 7 months ago.

8. And what scares the pants off you?
This is where I am going to be extremely honest. I am a brave person. I do whatever I need to do. But one thing, that no one knows, except those closest to me, is that I am extremely phobic of the dark. It's irrational, I know. But I just can't deal with it. I sleep with the light on in the hallway EVERY night.

9. Tell me - right now - today - how do you feel about exercise in no more than 10 words
I hate it. I hate it and I love it. It's part of me, who I am and who I want to be.

10. Complete this sentence - in 12 weeks time - on the last day of 12wbt I am going to be feeling ____________________
Amazing. Last round I have the final 2.5 weeks robbed from me as I was down with a ridiculous bout of stomach flu. At the end of this round, I will be healthy, fit and strong. I will know I put my everything into this round and that I'll be approaching 2012 with weight loss behind me forever, and a new fit life ahead of me.

Well there you have it. The first time I have been - as Mish says - arms open, gut wrenchingly honest with you all. I hope you come back and read again.

Nikki xo